I used to think I was trying to be Paradise and Morriarty at the same time, then it became the Edge and Bono – now i’m convinced it’s Tennant and Lowe

listening to a few good men in the cinema and waiting for a new film to start whilst i eat some nuts; the woman next to me is having fish and chips and is quiet loud and as this happens I’ve brought two crabs who I’m quiet happy but nervous about letting them walk about under my seat though I’m worried where they’ll end up and if someone will either stand on them or report them. I wake up at 609 and it’s well dark. Like properly pitch black

One day i’ll die and my nieces will sell them all for a fiver

Dave and Sarah are out on a canoe coming down from the north to the south of england; i’m based around bristol and will get to the canoe when it reaches me – but when the boat gets to me they’ve got out earlier – somewhere around liverpool as they went from east to west. I get in and daves folks are mortal at the back of a bar on wooden stools with friends; we end up on a school bus and I’m a video editor and we keep hitting speed bumps and one bump is so high it takes us into space and we’re in orbit flying around – a little like blackstar video by bowie. I’ve tapped the window and people are worried it’ll break and we’ll fall out.