Comedians
Robin Williams
“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”
Dennis Pennis
“Is that rude or what!?”
Dom Joly
“Just load me up with a couple of jumped up custards”
Fonejacker
“Talk to me!”
Steve Coogan
“The truth is somewhere in the middle of funny and serious”
Bruno
“Vassup! Being gay is the new coolest thing, so that’s why I’ve come to the gayest part of America – Alabama!”
Sarah Silverman
“But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it’s funny enough”
Joan Rivers
“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
Alig G
Is you on crack or somethin’?”
John Cleese
“If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.”
Stewart Francis
“I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that tone”
Eddie Murphy
“The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone’s advice”
Steve Martin
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
“A hospital? What is it?: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now. “
Bill Hicks
“Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.”
Jim Jefferies
“I’ve actually phased out the misogynistic jokes because I used to think that everyone knew that I was joking.”
Will Ferrell
“You sit on a throne of lies!”
Trey Parker
“Sometimes what’s right isn’t as important as what’s profitable.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”
Ricky Gervais
“Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right”
Joe Pera
“Have you heard of the Who?”
Woody Allen
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans”
Stan Laurel
“If any of you cry at my funeral. I’ll never speak to you again”
Noel Gallagher
“He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup”
Stewart Lee
“Russell Brand and Jeremy Paxman was hardly Frost/Nixon was it? More like watching a monkey throw his own excrement at a fog-horn”
Lenny Bruce “The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them “
Richard Pryor
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers”
Charlie Chaplin
“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot”
Jackie Mason
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something”
Doug Stanhope
“Anything that I don’t understand or can’t do is stupid”
Liam Gallagher
“I was walking along and this chair came flying past me, and another, and another, and I thought, man, is this gonna be a good night”
Frank Skinner
“How do I relax? This might sound slightly ridiculous but I play the ukulele for at least an hour a day and I find something really blissful about it”
Bob Dylan
“I’m inconsistent, even to myself”
Norm MacDonald
“My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don’t know. Probably died.“
“I’m pretty good at weaseling my way into a job, even if I have no business being there. …”
